By Navida Sayed, Hounslow
Life may never seem the same again after the loss of a parent, spouse, child, grandparent, friend or a close relative. Losing a loved one is undeniably a devastating and grief-stricken time, especially for the family and close friends; the aftermath of losing loved ones result in individuals experiencing a roller coaster of emotions, which are normal and expected.[1] Losing one’s nearest and dearest is agonizing, and feelings of grief can last for weeks or months after a death.[2] The initial stage begins with shock and denial or feelings of numbness and it is difficult to process
However, everyone processes grief in their own way. After the initial stages of shock or denial, individuals may also experience feelings of emotional or physical pain. Stages of angry feelings can also occur, followed by feelings of guilt or resentment. Long term feelings of loneliness may lead to depression. The most difficult stage is the desire to see or hear the person who has passed away.[3] Grief following bereavement is a natural process.
In a Friday Sermon relating to the matter of death His Holiness Mirza Masroor Ahmad (may Allāh be his Helper) said that every person who comes to this world will leave it one day and nothing in this world has permanence. His Holiness said that no matter what the age of the departed soul, it leaves the relatives in grief and sorrow. However, Allah the Exalted has taught us to say the prayer ‘…’Surely, to Allah we belong and to Him shall we return.’ while submitting to Allah’s will, each time we face trouble, difficulty, grief and sorrow. The Quranic verse His Holiness quoted in his Sermon puts everything into perspective and enables Muslims to understand, acknowledge and accept that death is inevitable and a life process. Islam also guides us that ‘Loved ones and relatives are to observe up to 3-days mourning period. Death is the normal part of living another form of existence in the hereafter. Muslims are discouraged to wail or cry in a very loud way or carry out other means of expressing their displeasure with acts of God. It is encouraged to get back to normal routines as soon as possible.’[4] The logic and wisdom in these teachings is to encourage and motivate individuals to get quickly back into a routine as a self-help tool. However, there is no harm in talking about our loved ones who have passed away to friends and relatives.
Islamic teachings guide us to visit the graves of the deceased and to pray for them and guide us that ‘when one dies, everything in this earthly life is left behind, and there are no more opportunities to perform acts of righteousness and faith. The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) once said that there are three things, however, which may continue to benefit a person after death: charity given during life which continues to help others, knowledge from which people continue to benefit, and a righteous child who prays for him or her.’
Other than talking to family and friends of our feelings about our loved ones, it is important to reflect and remember how our loved ones would wish to see us. The thought of our loved ones wishing to see us happy and well empowers us to carry on. Self-care, exercise, healthy eating, engaging in social and community activities and creative activities are important. Another idea is writing a journal. In her book Writing in Bereavement, Jane Moss mentions, ‘In times of loss the pen, page and keyboard will always be present as a listening friend.’[5] If required, counselling or speaking to a doctor may be beneficial.
The loss of our loved ones enables us to reflect on life and remember that this world is only a temporary abode, we can follow the good examples of our loved ones. We can continue to give charity on behalf of our deceased relatives. We can continue expressing our love for our dearest and nearest ones by praying for them. When we feel sad or wish to talk to someone about our deceased loved ones, someone may not be available to talk. Or it may be the middle of the night when we need to talk. Allah grants us the opportunity to turn to Him at any time, without an appointment; He is our best friend we can turn to in the middle of the night, and we can pour our hearts out to and hand everything over to Him.
[1]Parkes, C., 2009. Love and loss. London: Routledge.
[2] VOLKAN, V. and Zintel, ., 2019. LIFE AFTER LOSS. New York: ROUTLEDGE
[3]Raphael, B., 2005. The Anatomy of Bereavement. Taylor & Francis e-Library.
[4]https://www.alislam.org/question/customs-around-mourning/
[5]Moss, J., 2012. Writing in bereavement. London: Jessica Kingsley Publishers.
Voice of British Muslim Women 
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