Voice of British Muslim Women

Yusra Dahri

If you have curly hair, straighten it. If you have straight hair, curl it. If you have dark skin, whiten it. If you have pale skin, tan it. The only universal standard of beauty is this: whatever you are not. We don’t see the definition of beauty in ourselves, but in other people.

At the tiniest fracture of our self-esteem, society wedges in a mirror and plies it open with hair straighteners. The crack in our sense of self-worth gets wider, and we ourselves start frantically grabbing things to fill the gap. Companies seize the opportunity, and we start smearing ourselves with chemicals in the name of “self-care”. Self-care, at its core, isn’t about excess. It’s about keeping oneself clean, feeding your body nutritious food and smiling because of how you feel, not because of how you look.

When I was 8 years old, I read a lot of books (which were probably intended for an older readership!) about stories of girls who were not happy with themselves. I don’t have anything against make up, and I’m awed by it as a form of art. But at that age, I decided I wanted to make sure I grew up with my face. I knew that as I grew older it would change, and I wanted to come out the other end without belittling the face that belonged to me. In other words, I decided that until my teenage years were over, I wouldn’t wear make-up. This is not because I hate make up, or that I think people shouldn’t wear it. It’s so that in the future, when I do, it will be for the right reasons.

I think another thing that made growing up as a teenager in the age of instagram so much easier was the presence of the hijab in my life. Despite accusations of oppression, it liberated me. Islam never spoke of only beautiful women wearing the hijab, but left the impression that all women are beautiful. The hijab has always been to me a symbol of defiance in a world where a woman’s every feature is sexualised. It taught me that beauty of the heart and mind were more important than that of the body. So when people think I’m beautiful, it’s because of who I am, not what I am.

We are not made to look pretty, but to be grateful and happy for all the truly beautiful things that God has given us. The warmth of the sun on our skin. The laughter of a loved one. Wiping away one last tear before resolving to be strong. The freshness of the cold night air. The relief after fear. The kindness of a stranger. Using your hands to create something that didn’t exist until this. very. moment. Going to bed with tired feet but a content heart. Waking up to a day where you know that if you try, more beautiful things can happen.