Voice of British Muslim Women

*Huzoor is the term Ahmadi Muslims use to refer to His Holiness, the fifth Caliph/Khalifa of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community*

Melissa Ahmedi, Hampshire

I have been an Ahmadi Muslim for the same amount of time I that I have not. At the age of 13 my heart embraced Islam Ahmadiyyat, so now at 26 I have lived both sides of the coin for an equal amount of time. When speaking of conviction of faith – at 13 I was sure.

So sure that following the pouring out of my heart before Allah in that Jalsa Gah (our Community’s Annual Convention) amongst thousands of other women, I felt inner peace and clarity. I’d been reunited with myself and when I stood up and walked out of the tent, I felt so light and free of any trouble or worry I felt reborn; I was floating.

 When I think about conviction of faith and Khilafat; we have a clear model:

Verily, those who swear allegiance to thee indeed swear allegiance to Allah. The hand of Allah is over their hands. So whoever breaks his oath, breaks it to his own loss; and whoever fulfils the covenant that he has made with Allah, He will surely give him a great reward. (Holy Qur’an 48:11)

This verse refers to the oath taken by the believers at the hands of the Holy Prophet under a tree at Hudaibiyyah. It has made me reflect about what it means to be a Muslim “one who submits to Allah” and the true meaning of taking bai’at (oath of allegiance)at the hand of a Prophet or a Khalifa of the time. It made me think whether that sort of conviction and strength of faith exists today; and if so, what does it look like?

What I’d realised throughout this identity crisis, is that Huzoor, His Holiness Mirza Masroor Ahmad, the current Khalifa of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community was the only person giving my heart satisfaction that I had nothing to prove to anyone. No amount of education and knowledge would certify my stamp of acceptance to others. I’d trained as a Religious Studies specialist teacher, perhaps in my unconscious belief that in doing so, I’d play my part as an educator, and my mere existence within a school may invite questions rather than antagonism and subsequently break down barriers. My experience is that children were curious but never had a problem; it was a few educated but misinformed adults, much to my confusion. My inferiority complexes were founded in a false belief that I may attain approval from society. Huzoor showed me that I can be myself and carve my own path to piety and in doing so; what others thought of me was irrelevant. Unwavering conviction is a state we aspire to, such that our faith is so strong that when a storm hits, it makes you more determined you are following the right path.

When my heightened floaty stage was up, and my faith became tested there were multiple times where waves of challenges washed up a sea of hopelessness. It is a strange thing to feel overwhelmed with gratitude yet feel crippled that you don’t deserve it, or worse still – you feel lost at sea in your own life. But always at my lowest, a letter would float down through the letterbox, such is the love of the Khalifa.

What struck me about these letters, is not only how the words wrapped around my weaknesses and comforted me, but caught in my own despair, I’d forgotten how he had always been there. When I’d accepted Islam Ahmadiyyat at 13, and when my grandmother died when I was 16 and his letter lay on the porch floor when we arrived back home, teary eyed from the funeral. When he’d led my Nikkah (Islamic marriage) and his replies to my letters of anxiety of when I was expecting my daughter, and my worries about my son’s asthma and the subsequent mulaqats we’d been blessed to have- he’d always been there. Praying for us. Listening to us. Guiding us. It was me that had been lost in the sea of life to see it and truly appreciate the gift of Khilafat.

Faith can be like sailing a ship, through a bumpy sea at storm; you desperately cling on, fearing should the boat sink, that you may make it out and get to your desired place of peace and tranquillity. The fact is, beloved Huzoor is our navigation in our personal pathway to attain inner peace. Without him, we’d simply be just lost at sea.

Thereby does Allah guide those who seek His pleasure on the paths of peace, and leads them out of every kind of darkness into light by His will, and guides them to the right path. (Holy Qur’an 5:17)