Voice of British Muslim Women

*Huzoor is the term Ahmadi Muslims use to refer to His Holiness, the fifth Caliph/Khalifa of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community*

Bareera Ghaffar, Birmingham

Strength. To have strength.

I often drift through life on the side lines. Am I an afterthought, perhaps? This can be understood in terms of how the hierarchy of society is set up and at times just how I feel. With no real need to be seen or at the centre of things.

There is pressure from all angles as a woman, as a Black Muslim woman to be perceived a certain way. It can be extremely overwhelming to see statistics often discussed nonchalantly, like there are not real humans, lives, and stories behind these numbers. Which at times can make you feel like an afterthought. Recently, with the Covid 19 pandemic and the distribution of vaccines- we saw the whole continent of Africa become an afterthought.

Easily, one can surrender to these feelings and create a bubble of gloom and sit in it and watch the days pass.

In February 2019, the current Khalifa of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community, His Holiness Mirza Masroor Ahmad (may Allah be his Helper) held an audience with female students. I was about six rows from His Holiness, next to a tall white pillar. Right at the centre of his visual field. I had been so eagerly counting down the days to this event. As I am writing this, I can feel my heart racing – I remember it all so vividly. I remember the programme starting and the first few questions asked were not in English I thought ‘I’m not going to understand anything’ my heart sunk straight to my stomach. I was counting down the days to this and now, I would not understand anything. I carefully placed my pen and notebook down on the floor next to me and simply watched. It reminded me of when I visited remote villages in Ghana, and people would attentively listen with so much love to what beloved Huzoor was saying on a screen, but not a word was understood. Almost instinctively, my friend next to me started translating. We were in the direct line of His Holiness; He could see what she was doing. The next questions were asked in English so my friend would stop translating. It was a mix. I was no longer missing out on the nuance of the gems His Holiness was conveying. This went on for an hour. As it was nearing a close, His Holiness said this was the last question he would answer, as it was almost Prayer time. Many hands shot up to be given this opportunity.

 I hear out of nowhere

“Do you not want to ask anything?” My head shot up quickly.

My Beloved Huzoor was looking at me.

I looked behind me and pointed at myself, to make sure I was not mistaken. I wasn’t sure in the moment what I was going to ask, and then my beloved Huzoor said “pass her the mic”. I asked my question and His Holiness answered it so beautifully. He then said salaam (greetings) to us all, took his mic off and took a few steps towards the door, he then walked back, picked up the mic again…added some more to what he had previously answered, said salaam to us all again and graciously left.

I was left in awe. Speechless. I was humbled. Content.  I was not an afterthought at all, in fact as His Holiness was walking away, he was still thinking of my question. I was seen, what I was saying was valued. Only Allah knows how much I have held on to that moment, especially in the year that followed with Covid 19. Nothing in the world comes close to the feeling of knowing the purest person on Earth, the one who is closest to Allah and the one who prays for the souls of so many sees you and hears you. Nothing in the world comes close to the feeling in my heart seeing my beloved Huzoor’s face light up at the mention of the African continent. Not an afterthought to him.  If this is not the purest form of love, then I don’t know what is.

The whole world could try to make me feel like an afterthought, silence me and my words. But my strength, my spiritual strength what keeps me going is my beloved Khalifa. When you find that anchor, that love, that rope, that pillar, that strength, your whole being submits as it is written in the Holy Quran ‘…We hear, and we obey…’ (2:286).