Voice of British Muslim Women

Kainat Hanif, London

My relationship with His Holiness Mirza Masroor Ahmad (may Allah be his Helper), the current Khalifa, spiritual leader of the worldwide Ahmadiyya Community, is quite a unique one – perhaps confusing for those who have not had the blessings to be in the presence of His Holiness. Despite having met him only a couple of times personally, I have immense respect and love for him. So much so that, I wish every step and decision of my life is made in accordance to his wishes and guidance. I have infinite love for Khilafat; love that is impossible to describe, like that of a child for their parent, of a student for their teacher, of a person for their saviour.  A relationship of love, respect and of trust. And with that respect and trust comes a fear of falling short. The dread of disappointing him, the possibility of disobeying him, and frankly, the fear of making an utter tongue-tied fool of myself in his blessed presence. Even the smallest expression of sadness from His Holiness breaks my heart.

Like thousands, if not millions of others, correspondence with the Khalifa is one of the ways I personally remain connected with His Holiness. It is astonishing to think about the sheer amounts of letters he must receive on a daily basis – yet every single letter will be read by His Holiness. Occasionally, he will personally reply to your letters. I remember a time at which I required his prayers more than  any other time of my life. It was a time at which I believed I was spiritually as well as mentally overwhelmed. I decided to write him a letter seeking his attention and prayer. However, I could not find the words to express my true feelings. I found it hard to translate the state of my mind into words and phrases which were truly reflective. With a pen in my hand and tears in my eyes, I ended up producing a letter that was no more, or less, than asking for general prayers for myself and family. In fact, it was a very basic and generic letter, one I had written many times before. At this point, I thought maybe it is not appropriate for me to pour my heart out in a letter as His Holiness has much better things to do.

But lo and behold, weeks later, I found myself receiving a reply from His Holiness himself addressing and praying for exactly those things that were hidden in my heart. Without having shared any of those feelings, he expressed my inner turmoil better than I was able to. Only a man of God, with the support of the Allah the Almighty, is able to connect to his people through a dimension above and beyond the capabilities of an ordinary man. Relationships build through conversation and sharing thoughts – yet the deepest relationship I am in is flourishing over hundreds of miles without uttering a word. 

This magnet pulls towards you through his divine presence and his closeness to God which radiates through his beautiful smile. A smile that is known to every Ahmadi Muslim child and adult. A smile which every Ahmadi strives to be the recipient of. A smile every Ahmadi Muslim knows is worth many sacrifices.