Voice of British Muslim Women

Mahrukh Arif-Tayyeb, Newcastle

The past few weeks have been so pleasant for anyone living in the UK. Being from the north of the country means we hardly get to enjoy a full sunny day at nearby beaches – even during summer. One day, I decided to take my little one to the park: it was sunny with bit of fresh air pleasantly caressing our faces while we walked. It is normally a very quiet park, but this time it was fairly busy. As I put my son on the swing and started pushing, my eyes caught sight of two very young girls, hardly 11 or 12 years old making a TikTok video. They were dancing to a catchy, vulgar song and giggling just as much as my son was while enjoying his ride on the swing. Together, the laughter echoed in my ears but, while one was making me smile, the other made me sad. There was something off with these girl’s faces. As I began to think of what seemed missing, my son screamed ‘Amma, ball’, indicating he was now bored of the swing and wanted to play with his ball.

I held him against me and before I could even fully put him on the floor he threw the ball and started running after it. As I followed, I saw many uniformed school children coming into the park. They all looked pre-teen, and so fairly young. As they were walking, one of the boys lit a cigarette which he passed to a girl of the group. They were all laughing way too hard, taking photos of each other and making jokes at each other. Again, it seemed to me as if something was off with these kids’ faces.

And then, I realised what it was.

These kids did not look or behave like children: they were like adults. There was no innocence, no sign of candidness. The society we live in is stealing the childhoods of our children. What does it mean, when pre-teen girls are dancing to an inappropriate song in front of the amused eyes of their parents? What does it mean when these same girls are more concerned about their looks than what they have to offer intellectually? Many a time, we see such hypersexualisation of girls that sadly, some define as empowerment. Girls, especially, are made to look/behave a certain way that would ‘please’ the male mind-set. Visual media highlights this so poignantly when in TV shows ‘nerds’ are shown as ‘boring’ and the sexualised teen as popular. We have put so much pressure, on girls especially, to conform to these ideals that some carry inferiority complexes their whole childhood for not ‘fitting in’.

Feminists have fought so hard to get equality, a place and respect in society, but alas, to this day, girls and women alike are given the same message that our ‘enlightened’ and ‘gender conscious’ society keeps promoting: we are interested in looking at you, not listening to you.

Islam is the only religion today that goes against this tide. When women are called to observe ‘purdah’, dressing modestly and covering their head, it becomes apparent that they have more to offer than just their looks.

The Khalifa of our time, His Holiness Mirza Masroor Ahmad, current worldwide head of the Ahmadiyya Muslim Community (may Allah be his Helper) has spoken at various times on this issue and candidly advised young girls not to fall under any inferiority complexes, for example in a recent virtual meeting with Nasiratul Ahmadiyya from the south of the UK. What pride and dignity is there in imitating harmful behaviour?

As mothers in this society, we must talk to our children and make them conscious of these nuances. We must give them the self-confidence to face society with a cautious eye and attitude. True empowerment of our youth means teaching them to grow above sexual considerations, just like Islam has taught. When Allah puts the responsibility on men to lower their gaze, it teaches them to treat women with dignity and integrity, rather than just defining them on the basis of their looks. As mothers of boys, it is incumbent that we teach our sons that a woman isn’t defined or likeable just by the way she looks; rather it is her integrity, her values, her intellect and ambitions, that build her character and the human being she chooses to be.

If we can raise a generation of boys with this mindset that Islam has set for us, we won’t be contributing to the harmful stereotypes this society is promoting against women and young girls alike.

We owe it to our children. We owe it to the next generation.