Voice of British Muslim Women

Shaukat Bhatti, Leamington Spa

My friend from school sent her close friends an amateur vlog of her illustrating a make-up skill. I learnt nothing from her teaching, as my concentration honed in to what was happening behind the camera. The sweet repetitions, of mummy this.., and mummy that could be heard, followed by several nonsense questions by the children. The mum kept on answering her children in slo mo detail, whilst simultaneously recording her talent.

There is something quite universal to all mothers, how they dive into the deep end, without a second thought of being credited or acknowledged for their service; this continues to a lesser degree, until the young fly the nest. Yet the mother in Islam knows that each of the steps trodden by her humble soles for this cause have a purpose. It brings her nearer to becoming that mother who has potential for ‘paradise under her feet’. This prize statement of the Holy Prophet of Islam (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) surpasses the entire world’s cheques put together. Never has such a fragile and weak frame as a woman known such accolade. And it never ever will. 

Interestingly the Holy Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be on him) didn’t confine this prize to Muslim mothers alone, but opened this honour to all mothers, and why not? All children irrespective of class or creed have similar requirements, which mothers then carry out.

A Muslim mother has an additional reassurance though, that her faith did not put an extra set of responsibilities on her, such as the bills of the home, the cost of clothes, shelter and food on the table, as that is the sole responsibility of a husband.  This reduces her guilt and burden of forsaking her young, whilst tending to provide for the family.

Sadly some couples, irrespective of faith, find they can no longer live with one another and part their respective ways. Sadly, some paths must separate and the sooner the better in homes where a husband is abusive, substance addictive, cheats, or is involved in criminal misdemeanours etc. Surely staying in such unions is not an act of piety, as exposure to such poison is also destructive to witnessing children.

That being said, the Holy Qur’an gives an allegory which is worth reflecting over by everyone especially those who desire to destroy their homes over petty matters in one stroke:

‘And be not like unto her who, after having made it strong, breaks her yarn into pieces…’ (16:93)

A woman works hard in making the yarn – like rearing, caring for, and putting energy into a child and the home. However, we know that delight in the home requires the help of a positive parent relationship too.

Tragically a negative husband and wife relationship sends ripples throughout the home; it is palpable in the air and saps the warmth from the home, affecting the children.  The couple plod along, as individual humans living under one roof, rather than a unified couple. So starts the spiral, instead of the couple remembering to ‘compete, then, with one another in good works’ (2:149), they sadly compete at hurting each other. Thus, the heart that once loved, decides to love no more.

Still it is she, the mother, who understands the value of her yarn, as she is the nurturer of her children, she understands the silent long hours which were put to making this yarn. Her hard work is certainly noted in the heavens and will one day show its colours in society too. She is halfway, this yarn will soon turn into a beautiful garment; then she can enjoy the artwork she intensely laboured over with love.

Is it is possible to mend broken hearts? Most certainly the secret is to:

‘…seek help with patience and Prayer;’

But…

‘this indeed is hard except for the humble in spirit.’ (2:46).

Although regrettably, perseverance, sacrifice and prayers are not in vogue on social media, films, or reality shows which encourage the viewer to tear relationships irreversibly. Even a film named ‘Marriage Story’ was about…divorce!

Is there hope? Of course there is. It lies in faith in God and in her own most respected footsteps.