Voice of British Muslim Women

Fateha Khawaja, Islamabad, Tilford

My parents always like to tell my brothers and I how much easier our grandmothers had it when it came to parent their children. My dad was one of seven siblings who grew up the majority of their childhood in Germany and according to him, my grandmother never had to reprimand them for not studying or not doing their household chores. They all their had their responsibilities. Similarly, my mum recounts of her childhood in Pakistan. My mum and my two uncles divided the housework among themselves, one child dusting, one child sweeping and the other child mopping the floor. They all had to become responsible at a very young age as my grandmother developed a back problem and was unable to complete all the housework. She never had to tell them twice- they always fulfilled their responsibilities.

The Holy Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be on him) has given mothers a special status within this hadith (saying): ‘Paradise is under the feet of mothers.’ The significance of motherhood has been perpetuated in Islamic teaching. His Holiness Mirza Masroor Ahmad, the  worldwide head of Ahmadiyya Muslim community, has stressed the gravity of the responsibilities that mothers have countless times in his sermons. His Holiness sees the role of a mother to enrich their children’s spiritual knowledge and health by implementing the teachings of Islam as well as keeping them actively involved within the community. However, His Holiness has also acknowledged the differences and difficulties that come with parenting a child in the Western society. The times have changed and will continue to change so this calls us to adapt with the demands of society.

I am not a mother, but as a daughter and granddaughter in the West, I cannot imagine the amount of stress that my mother and grandmothers must experience with the standard act of sending their children to school. The world has become an incredibly dangerous place. Human trafficking, kidnapping, hate crimes and a generally unsafe environment has become the norm the world over. Regularly, you will hear about another child or young person who has gone missing or been murdered. It happens so often that you start becoming desensitized, which is a scary notion. Can you even imagine the pain and heartbreak the child’s mother and family must be experiencing?

Take the recent incident of the young Ahmadi boy in Lahore who merely went to his neighbour’s house to retrieve his sister’s doll and was mercilessly killed by his neighbour; did their inner hatred for Ahmadiyaat make it easier for them to commit the heinous act? Incidents like these makes my mother fearful sending us out. When the people you have known for years turn out to be the most dangerous, surely this must be the most unsettling experience for a mother. All they want is their child’s and when they feel like they can’t trust anyone, who can they rely on to keep their children safe when they are not around to do so?

Along with the general dangers of society, as young British Muslim women, our mothers face the added stress of us facing discrimination and Islamophobia because of the way we look and the way we choose to dress. Because of how our society is structured and Muslims being the ‘minority’, this is something that I see as inevitable, so part of my upbringing was being taught to deal with any negative behaviour from the public. My mother has always said that if anyone displays any behaviour that is in any way discriminatory, either remove yourself from the situation (which is always the easiest and best thing to do), or if they are not being aggressive, try to reason with them and explain the beauty and peacefulness of Islam. It must be difficult for the mothers of this generation to accept the fact that within Western society we will be seen as different, and we will face issues. I know that for my mother and probably for all mothers out there, it breaks their hearts to think about anyone ever discriminating against their children because of their religion.

Overall, parenting in the East and the West seemingly are very different owing to the misconception that because Western society is more developed, so the problems faced by Western mothers are unique, but being a mother all around the globe, inherently, holds the same core values with love and care being central to their ethos. Thank you to my mother and all mothers out there for facing these issues and so many more, but  never showing any signs of weakness; you are all my inspiration.

Copyright LajnaUK